Thoughts & Emotions Release #1
A sorority is suppose to be a group of girls sharing a tight bond and be welcomed into a sisterhood. I never had much female friends, I found it very hard to maintain a friendship with a girl because of all the cat fights and drama but I joined one anyways. Lately, I haven’t feeling the intimicy of a sorority. I wanted to go away and avoid sisters, I wanted to be m.i.a for a while, I wanted to give up my letters. I guess its the responsibilities I’m having now but things have become a burden, drama came up that I didn’t welcome addressing.
So all in all even though there was a confrontation of some sort tonight with some sisters, it wasn’t a personal attack against me but I was still unable to tell my side of the story without making it sound like I’m just saying it to make a point or to justify myself. I sat back and just took it and didn’t say a word.
It got me thinking…my whole life I’ve been just sitting back and let people bitch at me or argue a one sided situation to my face. Thoughts run through my head in what I want to say at that particular moment but I never do. I never say it outloud, just in my head. I’ve been that way all my life. I don’t share those thoughts with family, boyfriend or friends even though I trust them. It’s just how my life has always been.
I hold in thoughts and I emotionally breakdown seconds, minutes, hours or days after. I cry it out, I sit by myself, whatever it is I’m doing to cope…I do it by myself. I don’t want to be weak if I am emotional at the moment I rather be by myself rather for people to see it. I’ll never forgive myself if I let someone see me that way. A few people can see the build up, some is oblivious to my thoughts and how I am. Those oblivious to it see only a girl who jokes around and likes to have fun.
I dunno why its so hard for me to open up when I’m usually blunt with people. But on some thoughts I hold it in. And til now, I still don’t understand why I do it.
Sigh…I’m in need of a beer now.
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If ever there were a time to open out of your shell and speak out, that night was it. but don’t fret! you will get another chance at breaking your shell. life is full of them and thats what life is made of - opportunitites. it didn’t go unnoticed that night when you started to tear up. and if no one else noticed, rest assured that i noticed. i know how it feels to feel that way. more and more everyday i feel the same. from the beginning there have been issues in the sorority, many of which we were told not to pry into. but now that you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, this is your chance to break out and do what Joyce wants to do, not what they want you to do. if a beer makes you feel better then fuck it, drink. if a good cry will help, then fuck it, cry. cry till your ducts run dry. and know that im always here when you need me. and cathy is always there for you too. it wasnt an attack to you. and yea there are things between you and another sister need to fix. take it upon yourself to be the bigger person and do what you have been doing the whole time that makes you comfortable. i cant sit here and tell you why you are the way you are, nor why you cant talk to those you trust. we all might have our own speculations why, but its you that has to figure it out. just know that no matter how long it takes or how hard it is to figure out:
I will always be there to ignite that flame of hope, and endure the journey with you.
love you sis,
Ignite <3
6739.) When I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder I didn’t go to a psychologist and didn’t buy the medication because I can’t afford it and I can’t borrow money for treatment because I haven’t told anyone yet. I am my own worst enemy, and I don’t know how I feel about that.
(via blogsecret)
you should take comfort in the fact that you are your own worst enemy. no one in this world can hurt you the way you can potentially hurt yourself. despite alot, thats a good thing because if anyone hurts you, you have the ability to pick up your pieces and walk away with a bit of a lighter heart. lord knows i wish i had that kind of inner strength. and still, you have a bf that loves you entirely for everything you are. he won’t judge you or dislike thinks about you that aren’t “normal”. instead he embraces the fact that he has a girl as unique and open minded as you. and even if you ever wanted to take medication for it or try to “fix it”, just know he will always see you the same and that you have friends (and a sister <3 ) that will cherish you the way they do now.
Harry Potter!
so my bestfriend Cathy, my boyfriend John and my bestfriend’s boyfriend Nelson had a Harry Potter movie marathon to refresh our memory of the movies before watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It always sad to see Sirius die in the fifth movie and I always wonder why the poltergiest is never present in the movies. John and Nelson called me and Cathy the ultimate dorks because we can recite the dialogue in the movies, well whatever I’m a Harry Potter dork and damn proud of it! Can’t wait til the premiere on wednesday! whoot…- yea… tx for killing it for us who havent read or seen it yet lol. (yea i know i have the book, ive been too lazy to crack it open… u see how thick that thing is?
yea and I happened to read the book in a day! Step your game up sis lol
lmao! the bookworm bunny <3
My Un-Birthday Dinner
- David: "I dropped my meat"
- Hannah: (Looking down under the table) "Did it drop to the floor?"
Harry Potter!
so my bestfriend Cathy, my boyfriend John and my bestfriend’s boyfriend Nelson had a Harry Potter movie marathon to refresh our memory of the movies before watching Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It always sad to see Sirius die in the fifth movie and I always wonder why the poltergiest is never present in the movies. John and Nelson called me and Cathy the ultimate dorks because we can recite the dialogue in the movies, well whatever I’m a Harry Potter dork and damn proud of it! Can’t wait til the premiere on wednesday! whoot…
- yea… tx for killing it for us who havent read or seen it yet lol. (yea i know i have the book, ive been too lazy to crack it open… u see how thick that thing is?
